One of my favorite ways to describe myself in the past was "spontaneous". This was a cutesy way of saying, "I have committment issues". When I made plans, I would either cancel or be late. Others may have canceled too, but this whole 'spontaneous" label kept me from being locked-in to being held accountable.
As a Friend, one thing that we must be is accountable. If we say that we are going to do something, we should be able to do it. Being a man or woman of your word is important in any relationship. It allows people to trust you and gives you the right to be deemed trustworthy. As a friend people are entrusting you with their feelings, their time and who they really are. If you are inconsistent, then it may come across that you cannot be trusted with sincerity; you may only be trusted with superficiality.
Just recently I was watching David G. Evans, a Preacher on The Word Network, and he was talking about relationships. He said that, "stability breeds security and instability breeds insecurity". As soon as I heard the words, it hit me. This has been the problem with so many of the relationships I've had in the past. Even with Tonish. For so long, she didn't know what to expect from me, so after a while she stopped expecting anything. I was consistently inconsistent. And in being inconsistent, I had developed a pattern of insecurity in our friendship. And in many other relationships.
In certain instances, it was a defense mechanism. It was a way to keep me from being hurt, but eventually it became a character trait. I am so glad that with age and time, I have been able to mature. I no longer feel the need to be defensive and "committment phobic" because I now know that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose". Tonish and my friendship has evolved over the years into something that is more consistent and less "spontaneous". And I am so glad that we have overcome that issue.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Express Yourself - Let Me Be Me!!!
Life is so much easier when you have a friend who is on the same page with you. Why, because we know are safe to EXPRESS OURSELVES to each other!!!
You ever try to do something with someone, and it's like pulling teeth? You can't agree on what movie to go see, what place to meet for lunch, what cd to split your money for and buy? That will drive you BANANAS!!!!! Mo and I can say pratically anything! Funny, sad, angry, blah, whatever, and we know it's SAFE! While we have similar beliefs and values, we don't agree on a whole lot, but we kind of have a rhythm, and we can see what's important to the other.
But, we have been able to allow ourselves to be individuals, to evolve, to grow, and change! And we are both doing it! So we are living, laughing, and loving life, and it's so cool to be yourself with someone who understands where you were, where you are, and where you want to go!
The key is to ensure you have a safe place to Express Yourself. Anyone who knows us personally knows that we LOVE Salt N Pepa. They have a song "Express Yourself". The point of the song is that one person wants to be like someone else, but that person is trying to be like another person. It goes on and on... Mo and I NEVER had that issue. We were always free to be who we are! There was NEVER comparisons, envy, jealousy, EVER! Honestly, I know it's hard to believe, but it really is possible to have a friend who doesn't want anything from you! She knew she was safe with me, and I knew I was safe with her. I'm not saying things weren't difficult as we evolved individually, but even then, we were able to allow each other the time and space without taking things personally. Her time and space that was necessary for her had NOTHING to do with me. And vice versa...
We both are set on the next phase of our lives! We are intentional on being better women, better wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends and so on. Because of that, we are free to Express Ourselves, requiring the other to encourage, inspire, motivate, give tough love and a funny joke.
Tone
For Real
You ever try to do something with someone, and it's like pulling teeth? You can't agree on what movie to go see, what place to meet for lunch, what cd to split your money for and buy? That will drive you BANANAS!!!!! Mo and I can say pratically anything! Funny, sad, angry, blah, whatever, and we know it's SAFE! While we have similar beliefs and values, we don't agree on a whole lot, but we kind of have a rhythm, and we can see what's important to the other.
But, we have been able to allow ourselves to be individuals, to evolve, to grow, and change! And we are both doing it! So we are living, laughing, and loving life, and it's so cool to be yourself with someone who understands where you were, where you are, and where you want to go!
The key is to ensure you have a safe place to Express Yourself. Anyone who knows us personally knows that we LOVE Salt N Pepa. They have a song "Express Yourself". The point of the song is that one person wants to be like someone else, but that person is trying to be like another person. It goes on and on... Mo and I NEVER had that issue. We were always free to be who we are! There was NEVER comparisons, envy, jealousy, EVER! Honestly, I know it's hard to believe, but it really is possible to have a friend who doesn't want anything from you! She knew she was safe with me, and I knew I was safe with her. I'm not saying things weren't difficult as we evolved individually, but even then, we were able to allow each other the time and space without taking things personally. Her time and space that was necessary for her had NOTHING to do with me. And vice versa...
We both are set on the next phase of our lives! We are intentional on being better women, better wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends and so on. Because of that, we are free to Express Ourselves, requiring the other to encourage, inspire, motivate, give tough love and a funny joke.
At the end of the day, your friend has to let you be you!
Express Yourself
Tone
For Real
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