Choose Positive over Negative

One characteristic that has always been mentally draining for Tone and I to deal with,  in any relationship has been THE NEGATIVE person!!!  This is one that neither of us can tolerate.  We were both raised by very positive, encouraging and caring moms, who used words and behaviors that uplifted, esteemed and made those around them feel good.  So naturally, this is what we look for in others.  I know Tone said that Needy was high on the list of intolerables, but quite honestly I may have encountered a needy friend or two during my lifetime.  I like to help, so I often attract this kind of person.  But as long as someone eventually "Gets It" and doesn't wallow in self pity, I'm okay. BUT the person I really, really just cannot stomach is THE NEGATIVE person!
 
This person is the total downer. No matter what is going on in their life, your life or just in general, they are totally miserable.  They cannot see any good in any situation and always want you to be aware that someone may have an ulterior motive for wanting to get close to you.  It starts out as them letting you in on what they think they know about someone.  Not realizing that, they are raising a red flag alright, but not about the person in question, but about the "messenger".  My grandmother always told me that the same dog that will bring a bone will carry a bone.  Meaning,  while they are putting a "bug" in my ear, you better believe they are putting a "bug" in someone else's ear also; about me.  Later on,  it becomes a slam fest about any and everything you can think of.  You buy a new dress and  their response is, "that color doesn't look good on you.  Why'd you get that?"  They get a raise at work and their response is, "they only gave it to me to keep me quiet about what I know."  A mutual friend has just gotten engaged and their response is, "he's only marrying her to cover up all the dirt he's doing."  To that I say, "REALLY????  Come on!  Life has to look better than this to you.  Why are you so miserable?  Don't you realize that as a man thinketh, so is he!"

Don't get me wrong I have been guilty myself of "forewarning" someone about someone else's past behaviors and I have learned my lesson from doing it.  It only made me look bad and left the "receiver" looking at me as a trouble maker. Now, I keep my mouth closed.  Tone always laughs at me when I tell her, "you don't always have to talk or share what you know".  But I mean it.  Especially if it is going to be negative.  I will keep my mouth closed, so that everyone has a chance  to decide on their own whether they want to continue a relationship or be done with one.  

A few years ago Tonish and I had a mutual acquaintance that wanted to let one of us know that the other person was not friend-worthy.  The person said that we ought to be careful around each other because we couldn't be trusted.  Well, just recently we found out that, that same person created turmoil almost everywhere he/she went and even damaged relationships of their own with their negative words and behaviors. This person was upset with us both for separate reasons (that we were not even aware of), But the goal was to divide and conquer.  Luckily, we had been through enough together that we knew what to do with the information.  We chalked it up to Negative Person Syndrome.


When we see the negative coming our way...we usually exit...stage left!  Save the drama (not for our mamas because they taught us better...lol).  But we do save it for someone else that can do something about it.  We pray about it, encourage one another and remind ourselves that just like there is good and positive out there.  There is negative also.  We don't want to become what we're fighting against, so its better to say nothing at times and keep it pushing!


Be Blessed
Really Mo