Who's In Your Corner?

Funny thing happened...  I thought it was Mo's turn all this time...  And it's my turn - sorry Mo!  Here goes friends!

I was recently watching Ali, the movie based on arguably one of the greatest boxers of all time, Muhammed Ali.  And what was so impactful to me was how during a fight, the people in his corner would support him.  No matter what happened outside of the ring, while Ali was fighting, his "team" had his back.  They saw him training, they saw him injured, they saw him vulnerable, and he had to trust them with his REAL self.

Ali would tell himself over and over that he was the greatest.  Many believe it was because he was overly confident.  I believe it was for 3 reasons; 1 - because he knew the power of speaking into the atmosphere; 2. because he must tell himself as part of his mental training; and 3. because he knew that his opponent would already have the same sentiments because of hearing Ali say over and over, "I'm the Greatest!  I'm the Greatest", it was a mind trick. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that we become prideful and cocky, because God will humble us.  But during his fights, the people in his corner were saying to Ali the very things he had to tell himself - "You're the greatest!  Come on Champ!  Rumble Young man, Rumble!"  When the fight was getting tough, when Ali was getting tired, when it may have seemed a little dim, those in his corner knew their role was to build him up, to encourage him to stay in the fight, to remind him of his plan.

This reminds me of the bible story when Joshua was fighting a battle.  As Moses held his arms up, outstretched to God, Joshua and his men were winning.  However, Moses began to get tired, and his arms became heavy so he lowered them - then Joshua and his men began losing the battle.  However, 2 men in Moses' corner knew Moses' purpose, and saw the big picture.  So they got a large rock for Moses to sit on, and they each held up one of Moses' arms.  The people in his corner had his back, and Joshua won the battle.

So, I ask you, Who's In Your Corner?  We pray the people in your corner - your friends, are able to celebrate you when times are good, but are safe for you to show injuries and vulnerabilities.  We hope they can pray for you and lift you up when you're in a battle, and say the exact things you need to hear.  Mo and I have a gift that even during periods of separation, different cities, different places in life - we knew that we were only one phone call away, and we would give exactly what the other needed.  We still do that now!  And that's what friends are for!

Blessings,
Tone For Real

Are You Having an Autumn Experience

Growing up in New England, I have had the privilege of witnessing the seasons change for over 30 years.  Every year the pattern is the same; Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall.  The winter is when everything is cold, frozen and you wanna stay bundled up.  The Spring is when everything begins to grow and blossoms.  It’s like a fresh awakening of the earth to show what is to come in the next season, summer!  Summer is when the earth gets a chance to Show off.  It gets a chance to display all of its blossoms and blooms and warm us up with the heat from the sun’s rays. The gorgeous flowers, scents that are in the air and the beautiful green leaves on every tree intensifies the joy and essence of summer.  Then there is autumn.  Autumn is when all those beautiful flowers begin to wither away, the green leaves begin to change colors, they dry out and fall to the ground leaving the trees to look as if they never had a blossom or bloom of any kind on them.  It’s not really hot or cold it’s what some would call, luke-warm.  Really what is happening is that the earth is shedding the excess baggage (if you will) to prepare for the heavy water, ice and freezing temperatures that are about to take place in the winter season.  It really is a time of transition. 

People come to New England from all over just to view the changing colors of the leaves, but they never come to see when they all fall to the ground.  They don’t realize that, that is the best part.  God is preparing the trees for the heaviness that is about to take place.  The wind is blowing just enough to get the leaves to fall and the trees are getting ready for what is about to take place.  He is positioning and equipping the trees to withstand the pressure of the cold winter months by lightening their load.  With that being said, I wanna ask you, “Are you having an Autumn experience?”

Job 39:11 - Will you rely on him for his great strength? Will you leave your heavy work to him?

I know it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong has been going wrong.  You are losing friends, money, time and influence (your leaves).  You’re looking at it as something negative.  It leaves you feeling bare and naked before the world, but really God is preparing you for the next cycle in the changing seasons of your life.  God is shaking the leaves and allowing dead things to fall by the waste-side, so that when the real pressures come you’ll be prepared.  You'll be able to withstand the pressures of life.

When we look at the trees in the fall they look weak and bare and like they would not be able to withstand the winds and the rain or the snow and the ice, but in fact it is just the opposite.  By them getting rid of the dead weight it actually frees them and allows more mobility to become limber, so that they can sway when the winds are blowing.  They will bend but not break because their limbs are not weighed down.  The sap inside of them has gone all the way down to the roots to keep them grounded, so even if a limb is lost, they’ll still stand.  They are dependent upon God to protect them and keep them when the Hurricanes, Snowstorms and Nor’easters come. 

This is what God requires of us.  We need to shed the dead things and become naked before him.  We need to allow the Word of God (our sap) that is down on the inside of us to root and ground us so that we cannot be moved in the time of trouble.  We should fully rely on him to protect us and keep us when the storms of life come up.

Joel 3:10…let the weak say, I am strong.

The wonderful thing about the fall and winter is the fact that Spring and Summer are soon to come.  So after the storms, after the rain and after the freezing cold, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that all those things that were once dead and barren will soon resurrect.  You will see the budding of leaves, flowers and life.  Things will begin to rise up again.  The birds come back singing their songs, the flowers begin to bloom and delight in the shining of the sun and the atmosphere is no longer cold and dark.  Instead it’s bright and warm.  We know that there is a season for everything and that if we are having an Autumn experience, Winter, Spring and Summer are sure to come.

Ecclesiates 3:1 - To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

 

Be Blessed!

 

Really Mo

You Make Me Better!

I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together.  I'm good all by myself, but you make me better.  Some may know this song, made popular by Ne-yo.  And I have declared it one of my family's theme songs.  However, Mo and I recently had a friendship conversation about it.  Since 1985, when we are both on the same road, heading in the same direction, we are in sync, and some baaaaddd women! 

Mo and I have similar goals.  We want to be good wives and mothers.  We want to live lives that would make God and our parents proud.  We like to be positive, people builders; not ones who tear people down.  And we want to fulfill our individual purposes and our individual dreams.   

The best friendships are when people encourage one another.  You ever try to stop doing anything, but the people you're around keep doing it?  You ever try to start doing something, but the people around you won't? In fact, they can not understand why YOU'RE changing?  That is so hard!  And it makes life so difficult!  We know first hand!

But, when Mo and I are both doing something positive, at the same time, the energy is kinetic.  And kinetic energy is basically moving energy - like water or wind that is not still or stagnant but MOVING!  We have found that we're most in sync, we're the strongest, and we're the fiercest when we're BOTH MOVING FORWARD!

PLEASE be sure that the friends in your life are making you better.  If you're not on the same path, remember it's ok to take a step away to let them do them, and you do you.  But try to surround yourself with people who are able to pour positivity, and to share in your steps to succeed.  There is enough room at the top for all of us!

Tone
For Real

We're Back!!!!!

We took a little time off, but we are back!!!!  Since our hiatus, we have visited The Wendy show, sent our children to proms, watched our children graduate, brought our children to tournaments, welcomed our college-aged children back home, visited Lake George, New Jersey, Philly, DC, Atlanta, Maine, Orlando, New Hampshire, Delaware, Bahamas, Las Vegas and more.  We have been busy collectively. 

In life, there are many things that will be going on and we need to know when to take time off.  We have to be flexible enough to roll with it, but wise enough to know when it is time to just sit down and take a break. So, that is what we did.  We have tons to talk about in friendship, in life and in growing into an adult with responsibilities, goals, obstacles and wisdom.

As we welcome you back, we would like to broaden our topics.  We want to discuss topics that are important to the everyday adult.  We want to be as candid as possible with real life stories about us to allow our readers to understand and believe that you (the reader) are not the only one going through things.  We all are.  There are no perfect people, places or situations.  Its all just one big puzzle for each one of us to figure out.  Sometimes it takes one to figure out where the pieces go and sometimes it takes more than one.  But the ultimate goal is to get the pieces together (in the correct positions).  And if we happen to put them in the wrong place;  well, then we try again.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Now is it?

So bare with us.   Keep reading what we're writing and stay tuned for more.....


Really Mo   

If You Don't Know Me By Now...

OK, So last night Mo and I went to an old school concert.  One song beautifully sang was, "If You Don't Know Me By Now".  While sitting there enjoying the entertainment, I thought of the fact that while the song is speaking of a romantic relationship, the title reminded me of what our Pastor has been teaching us; "Know them that labor among you" (part of 1 Thes 5:13).  To want to get to know someone is a CHOICE!  If you know someone, you KNOW what's true about their character!

Sometimes I wonder if Mo wrote the BOOK about me!  Many times, I am pretty naive in my own reality.  For example, before we attended an anger management course, I (honestly and sincerely) admitted to not getting angry.  Mo checked me with a smile, "Yes you do!  You were just angry about something yesterday!" And then she proceeded to remind me of my "episode"...  While striving for perfection, I sometimes "forget" my imperfections.  I think that drives Mo (and my husband) BANANAS! (Batting my eyes...LOL!)

But here's the deal.  Get to know those who are among you, who you choose to spend time with.  Know their likes and dislikes in order to accept and respect them.  Know their dreams and goals in order to support, encourage, and pray for them.  Know their passions and causes true to their hearts in order to expand your knowledge and find ways to help.  Know their family, spouses, and children in order to extend the relationship to others.  On the flip side, your FRIEND should want to know these things about you.  If you are having a one-sided experience, it's just not gonna work. 

Mo and I respect one another, because we have CHOSEN to KNOW each other- the good, the bad, the funny, the sad, the unrealistic, the naive, and yes, the ANGRY... LOL!  It takes time, it takes emotions, and it takes maturity.  But the payoff, is a blessing!

Tone
For Real

One of my favorite ways to describe myself in the past was "spontaneous".  This was a cutesy way of saying, "I have committment issues".  When I made plans, I would either cancel or be late.  Others may have canceled too, but this whole 'spontaneous" label kept me from being locked-in to being held accountable.

As a Friend, one thing that we must be is accountable.  If we say that we are going to do something, we should be able to do it.  Being a man or woman of your word is important in any relationship.  It allows people to trust you and gives you the right to be deemed trustworthy.  As a friend people are entrusting you with their feelings, their time and who they really are.  If you are inconsistent, then it may come across that you cannot be trusted with sincerity; you may only be trusted with superficiality.

Just recently I was watching David G. Evans, a Preacher on The Word Network, and he was talking about relationships.  He said that, "stability breeds security and instability breeds insecurity".  As soon as I heard the words, it hit me.  This has been the problem with so many of the relationships I've had in the past.  Even with Tonish.  For so long, she didn't know what to expect from me, so after a while she stopped expecting anything.  I was consistently inconsistent.   And in being inconsistent, I had developed a pattern of insecurity in our friendship.  And in many other relationships.

In certain instances, it was a defense mechanism.  It was a way to keep me from being hurt, but eventually it became a character trait.  I am so glad that with age and time, I have been able to mature.  I no longer feel the need to be defensive and "committment phobic" because I now know that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose".  Tonish and my friendship has evolved over the years into something that is more consistent and less "spontaneous".  And I am so glad that we have overcome that issue.

Be Blessed
Really Mo

Express Yourself - Let Me Be Me!!!

Life is so much easier when you have a friend who is on the same page with you.  Why, because we know are safe to EXPRESS OURSELVES to each other!!!

You ever try to do something with someone, and it's like pulling teeth?  You can't agree on what movie to go see, what place to meet for lunch, what cd to split your money for and buy?  That will drive you BANANAS!!!!!  Mo and I can say pratically anything!  Funny, sad, angry, blah, whatever, and we know it's SAFE!  While we have similar beliefs and values, we don't agree on a whole lot, but we kind of have a rhythm, and we can see what's important to the other. 

But, we have been able to allow ourselves to be individuals, to evolve, to grow, and change!  And we are both doing it!  So we are living, laughing, and loving life, and it's so cool to be yourself with someone who understands where you were, where you are, and where you want to go!

The key is to ensure you have a safe place to Express Yourself.  Anyone who knows us personally knows that we LOVE Salt N Pepa.  They have a song "Express Yourself".  The point of the song is that one person wants to be like someone else, but that person is trying to be like another person.  It goes on and on...  Mo and I NEVER had that issue.  We were always free to be who we are!  There was NEVER comparisons, envy, jealousy, EVER!  Honestly, I know it's hard to believe, but it really is possible to have a friend who doesn't want anything from you!  She knew she was safe with me, and I knew I was safe with her.  I'm not saying things weren't difficult as we evolved individually, but even then, we were able to allow each other the time and space without taking things personally.  Her time and space that was necessary for her had NOTHING to do with me.  And vice versa...

We both are set on the next phase of our lives!  We are intentional on being better women, better wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends and so on.  Because of that, we are free to Express Ourselves, requiring the other to encourage, inspire, motivate, give tough love and a funny joke.

At the end of the day, your friend has to let you be you!

Express Yourself

Tone
For Real