Like with any relationship, a friendship needs time to be nurtured. If you are a true friend you have to make time for one another to show that you care. It doesn't have to be everyday, every week or every month, but you have to make an effort to show that you are still thinking of your friend and you want he/she to be in your life.
I have always been a person who likes to do things in my own time, but I now realize that, that is selfish. Every relationship you have is a give and take. Its not always you taking when you want to. You have to give a little bit too. And part of the giving is including, your time. You have to think about your friend and remember how you became friends in the first place. More than likely, it was a great amount of time that you guys spent together to be able to find out about one another and were able to establish that bond. As time goes on, we get older and our commitments change. We may not be able to do the same things we did when we were younger, but you can learn to do new things together. And again, I'm talking about a friendship, but this goes for any relationship.
When the dynamics of your life change, you just figure out how you can modify your actions to include those that mean something to you. It is not necessary to cut people out simply because you don't have time. You can make adjustments. Include your friend's family in on your family events. Ask if she and her spouse (or he and his spouse) would like to go out with you and yours. It may develop a relationship between the spouses, between the people you love and also between you and their spouse. You never know. But when you choose to make time and be inclusive of others, you definitely will accomplish the goal of letting people know that you care and that you do want them in your life in some way.
So, the moral of this post is: to keep any relationship, you need to spend time with one another. And in doing so, you just might make new friends.
Be Blessed
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Law of Attraction
I was never a strong Science student, but one thing I found to be interesting was the Law of Attraction.
Think about it, when you're in school, your friends are most like you - same school, same study habits, same outlook on life. You rarely find someone who is a good student having a CLOSE friendship with someone who skips class all the time and fails most classes.
So, while keeping resolutions or just focusing on goals for the year, we would encourage you to, start with the MAN (or woman) IN THE MIRROR! What are you worth?
We are worthy of people who will be genuine, honest, and concerned about our well-being. People who share our belief and our faith. Be careful who you attract, you may not be able to get rid of them Who you attract into your life is in harmony with your real thoughts of your worth.
Tone
For Real
Think about it, when you're in school, your friends are most like you - same school, same study habits, same outlook on life. You rarely find someone who is a good student having a CLOSE friendship with someone who skips class all the time and fails most classes.
So, while keeping resolutions or just focusing on goals for the year, we would encourage you to, start with the MAN (or woman) IN THE MIRROR! What are you worth?
- What is your value? Are you always available for everyone to use, or are you available only to those who are concerned about you?
- Do you attract or draw just anybody, or those with whom you can share inspiration, positivity, motivation and encouragement.
- Can you compliment your "friends", and can they compliment you?
We are worthy of people who will be genuine, honest, and concerned about our well-being. People who share our belief and our faith. Be careful who you attract, you may not be able to get rid of them Who you attract into your life is in harmony with your real thoughts of your worth.
Tone
For Real
Thursday, December 29, 2011
RE: New Year
As the New Year rapidly approaches and the current year gracefully wanes, people will be looking forward to creating New Year's resolutions. But Tone and I would ask that you refrain from coming up with resolutions and to take time setting attainable goals and doing some other RE words; reflect, re-evaluate and restore. These 3 ultimately will lead to resolution, but it can also help resolve issues that you still may think are open issues, but really aren't.
1. Reflect
Think back to January 1, 2011. What have you done since then? Write it all down, so you can reflect effectively. Have you grown? Do you see improvement? Did you do what you said you would do? If you haven't, you still have the coming year to add it to your "to do" list. When you reflect, make sure that you are focusing on the positive. Don't focus so much on the negative. Do not discount the negative if it was part of your year, but learn from it. Don't dwell on it. Move on from there and know there is so much more ahead for you.
2. Re-evaluate
The negative things that may have happened had reasons. Think about the cause and reevaluate if you need to deal with those same issues this year. Do you want to bring in the new year the same way? Do you need the same people in your life? and if so, do you need them so close to you? Rethink the way you handled certain situations? Could you have handled them better? or Did you do the right thing? if you believe you have done things correctly then make no changes. Continue on the path that you have been on. It seems to be working for you.
3. Restore
Bring yourself back to the days of your youth. Learn to take care of yourself; mind, body and spirit. The bible tells us to "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (rom 12:2) it also asks us "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit...?" (1cor 6:19) and gives us the command to" be renewed in the spirit of your mind" (eph 4:23), so that lets us know that we need to take care of ourselves. Bring restoration to your life, so that you can accomplish the goals that you set for the new year. There is no use setting goals if you haven't taken care of yourself because you won't be able to enjoy your accomplishments.
So, you will resolve some things in the new year, thus resulting in a resolution. But let's set goals and leave the resolving for our achievements to take care of.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
1. Reflect
Think back to January 1, 2011. What have you done since then? Write it all down, so you can reflect effectively. Have you grown? Do you see improvement? Did you do what you said you would do? If you haven't, you still have the coming year to add it to your "to do" list. When you reflect, make sure that you are focusing on the positive. Don't focus so much on the negative. Do not discount the negative if it was part of your year, but learn from it. Don't dwell on it. Move on from there and know there is so much more ahead for you.
2. Re-evaluate
The negative things that may have happened had reasons. Think about the cause and reevaluate if you need to deal with those same issues this year. Do you want to bring in the new year the same way? Do you need the same people in your life? and if so, do you need them so close to you? Rethink the way you handled certain situations? Could you have handled them better? or Did you do the right thing? if you believe you have done things correctly then make no changes. Continue on the path that you have been on. It seems to be working for you.
3. Restore
Bring yourself back to the days of your youth. Learn to take care of yourself; mind, body and spirit. The bible tells us to "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (rom 12:2) it also asks us "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit...?" (1cor 6:19) and gives us the command to" be renewed in the spirit of your mind" (eph 4:23), so that lets us know that we need to take care of ourselves. Bring restoration to your life, so that you can accomplish the goals that you set for the new year. There is no use setting goals if you haven't taken care of yourself because you won't be able to enjoy your accomplishments.
So, you will resolve some things in the new year, thus resulting in a resolution. But let's set goals and leave the resolving for our achievements to take care of.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Give Love on Christmas Day!
Mo and I have spent um, several Christmas holidays together. When we met, in the 7th grade, we bonded right away. So, literally that following Christmas, I was at her grandmother's house. And I wasn't just there for food, I ended up going home with presents! This happened for a few years, until we thought we were grown:)
That was a difficult period of time in my house. We had been in the state for a year at that point, with no family. I know it was hard for my mother and sister as well because we had such a close extended family in Wisconsin. We celebrated all holidays together. We had potlucks and Round Robins once every month. So being here without family was tough.
Mo and I both come from very close knit families, and where someone is always welcome to join us. And our families both always try to help others in any way they could. Our parents taught us about being smart, and being kind! Mo's parents and brother ALWAYS considered me one of them. And still, today, it's the same. On the flipside, Mo knows that my mom is her "Mommy" too, and so on!
The cool thing is once we learned about the true reason for the season, it makes it easy to not focus on money or gifts. We are FRIENDS - that's a gift. So, we agree, don't get all pressured to buy people things that 1) you can't afford, and 2) are not from the heart. You know what I mean... You go buy a green sweater, cuz it was marked down, when you know that person can't stand the color! Or, you regift something that was given to you because you KNOW you will NEVER use that thing! (Now I don't mind regifting - but please make sure it makes sense!)
If you are buying a gift for a friend, this year, make it personal. Think about his/her interests. Recall things that person has mentioned to you in recent months. This year, do something that you know would make that person feel the LOVE. Love is actually in the details, so along with any gift giving, be sure to
Blessings!
Tone For Real
That was a difficult period of time in my house. We had been in the state for a year at that point, with no family. I know it was hard for my mother and sister as well because we had such a close extended family in Wisconsin. We celebrated all holidays together. We had potlucks and Round Robins once every month. So being here without family was tough.
Mo and I both come from very close knit families, and where someone is always welcome to join us. And our families both always try to help others in any way they could. Our parents taught us about being smart, and being kind! Mo's parents and brother ALWAYS considered me one of them. And still, today, it's the same. On the flipside, Mo knows that my mom is her "Mommy" too, and so on!
The cool thing is once we learned about the true reason for the season, it makes it easy to not focus on money or gifts. We are FRIENDS - that's a gift. So, we agree, don't get all pressured to buy people things that 1) you can't afford, and 2) are not from the heart. You know what I mean... You go buy a green sweater, cuz it was marked down, when you know that person can't stand the color! Or, you regift something that was given to you because you KNOW you will NEVER use that thing! (Now I don't mind regifting - but please make sure it makes sense!)
If you are buying a gift for a friend, this year, make it personal. Think about his/her interests. Recall things that person has mentioned to you in recent months. This year, do something that you know would make that person feel the LOVE. Love is actually in the details, so along with any gift giving, be sure to
Give Love On Christmas Day!
Blessings!
Tone For Real
Monday, December 19, 2011
Choose Positive over Negative
One characteristic that has always been mentally draining for Tone and I to deal with, in any relationship has been THE NEGATIVE person!!! This is one that neither of us can tolerate. We were both raised by very positive, encouraging and caring moms, who used words and behaviors that uplifted, esteemed and made those around them feel good. So naturally, this is what we look for in others. I know Tone said that Needy was high on the list of intolerables, but quite honestly I may have encountered a needy friend or two during my lifetime. I like to help, so I often attract this kind of person. But as long as someone eventually "Gets It" and doesn't wallow in self pity, I'm okay. BUT the person I really, really just cannot stomach is THE NEGATIVE person!
This person is the total downer. No matter what is going on in their life, your life or just in general, they are totally miserable. They cannot see any good in any situation and always want you to be aware that someone may have an ulterior motive for wanting to get close to you. It starts out as them letting you in on what they think they know about someone. Not realizing that, they are raising a red flag alright, but not about the person in question, but about the "messenger". My grandmother always told me that the same dog that will bring a bone will carry a bone. Meaning, while they are putting a "bug" in my ear, you better believe they are putting a "bug" in someone else's ear also; about me. Later on, it becomes a slam fest about any and everything you can think of. You buy a new dress and their response is, "that color doesn't look good on you. Why'd you get that?" They get a raise at work and their response is, "they only gave it to me to keep me quiet about what I know." A mutual friend has just gotten engaged and their response is, "he's only marrying her to cover up all the dirt he's doing." To that I say, "REALLY???? Come on! Life has to look better than this to you. Why are you so miserable? Don't you realize that as a man thinketh, so is he!"
Don't get me wrong I have been guilty myself of "forewarning" someone about someone else's past behaviors and I have learned my lesson from doing it. It only made me look bad and left the "receiver" looking at me as a trouble maker. Now, I keep my mouth closed. Tone always laughs at me when I tell her, "you don't always have to talk or share what you know". But I mean it. Especially if it is going to be negative. I will keep my mouth closed, so that everyone has a chance to decide on their own whether they want to continue a relationship or be done with one.
A few years ago Tonish and I had a mutual acquaintance that wanted to let one of us know that the other person was not friend-worthy. The person said that we ought to be careful around each other because we couldn't be trusted. Well, just recently we found out that, that same person created turmoil almost everywhere he/she went and even damaged relationships of their own with their negative words and behaviors. This person was upset with us both for separate reasons (that we were not even aware of), But the goal was to divide and conquer. Luckily, we had been through enough together that we knew what to do with the information. We chalked it up to Negative Person Syndrome.
When we see the negative coming our way...we usually exit...stage left! Save the drama (not for our mamas because they taught us better...lol). But we do save it for someone else that can do something about it. We pray about it, encourage one another and remind ourselves that just like there is good and positive out there. There is negative also. We don't want to become what we're fighting against, so its better to say nothing at times and keep it pushing!
Be Blessed
Really Mo
This person is the total downer. No matter what is going on in their life, your life or just in general, they are totally miserable. They cannot see any good in any situation and always want you to be aware that someone may have an ulterior motive for wanting to get close to you. It starts out as them letting you in on what they think they know about someone. Not realizing that, they are raising a red flag alright, but not about the person in question, but about the "messenger". My grandmother always told me that the same dog that will bring a bone will carry a bone. Meaning, while they are putting a "bug" in my ear, you better believe they are putting a "bug" in someone else's ear also; about me. Later on, it becomes a slam fest about any and everything you can think of. You buy a new dress and their response is, "that color doesn't look good on you. Why'd you get that?" They get a raise at work and their response is, "they only gave it to me to keep me quiet about what I know." A mutual friend has just gotten engaged and their response is, "he's only marrying her to cover up all the dirt he's doing." To that I say, "REALLY???? Come on! Life has to look better than this to you. Why are you so miserable? Don't you realize that as a man thinketh, so is he!"
Don't get me wrong I have been guilty myself of "forewarning" someone about someone else's past behaviors and I have learned my lesson from doing it. It only made me look bad and left the "receiver" looking at me as a trouble maker. Now, I keep my mouth closed. Tone always laughs at me when I tell her, "you don't always have to talk or share what you know". But I mean it. Especially if it is going to be negative. I will keep my mouth closed, so that everyone has a chance to decide on their own whether they want to continue a relationship or be done with one.
A few years ago Tonish and I had a mutual acquaintance that wanted to let one of us know that the other person was not friend-worthy. The person said that we ought to be careful around each other because we couldn't be trusted. Well, just recently we found out that, that same person created turmoil almost everywhere he/she went and even damaged relationships of their own with their negative words and behaviors. This person was upset with us both for separate reasons (that we were not even aware of), But the goal was to divide and conquer. Luckily, we had been through enough together that we knew what to do with the information. We chalked it up to Negative Person Syndrome.
When we see the negative coming our way...we usually exit...stage left! Save the drama (not for our mamas because they taught us better...lol). But we do save it for someone else that can do something about it. We pray about it, encourage one another and remind ourselves that just like there is good and positive out there. There is negative also. We don't want to become what we're fighting against, so its better to say nothing at times and keep it pushing!
Be Blessed
Really Mo
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Needy vs. Need Me
Mo and I realize that there are certain types characteristics that can help or hurt FRIENDSHIPS. We will discuss some of those periodically in order to share how it did or did not affect our journey.
There are some people who are "needy". You know what I mean, not needy as in cash is low, or needing a babysitter. But needy, like "What are you doing now, and in the next 5 minutes, and the 5 minutes after that?" "What are you wearing?" "What's your favorite color?" "What would you do if you were me?" All of this and more makes one person too dependent on the other. He or she needs the other to make decisions, to basically tell them what to do. At first, you may feel like you're helping, like you're being there. But eventually, if it's unhealthy, you will get burned out, tired, and will start screening your calls, and not responding to texts, tweets, and facebook! The person will want to talk all day everyday, telling you ALL their problems, ALL their concerns, and then won't listen to sound advice to make things better. They also can't be relied on to hold your circumstances in confidence, nor can they help to bring you to positive results, because they are too focused on needing you to complete them, to think for them. They are almost like a leech, sucking and draining the energy out of you, and that is not healthy for you.
Mo and I have had moments where we may have been needy - but they were only moments of "temporary insanity". For example, last year, Mo was going through something, and it was days and days, and days. (Totally unlike us to let something take us under for too long...) So, after a while, I snapped her back and said, "look, we know better than this. This situation is up to God, so give it to HIM!" I encouraged her to begin reading positive things, the bible, and other books that filled our minds with positive things, and then I brought some books to her. I told her to speak life over the situation! Same for me, I was in a 4 year situation, and it consumed me. I was needy at points, because things would happen almost daily, and my venting started getting really tired. Mo had to show tough love to get me to snap out of it, telling me I was giving the other person power... and that "real bad boys move in silence", which meant to be quiet and let the other person destroy herself! It was hard, but it worked, life and death are in the power of the tongue! All I needed to do was be still, and quiet.
Needing someone is different than being needy. Over 26 years, we certainly have needed each other. During different stages of life, we relied on each other. There were also times when divine intervention made one of us do something like call the other, and we didn't realize the other one needed us. And many of those happened during some of our "separations"... But that's different. We know that NO MATTER WHAT, either of us can call the other at any given time, and we are there!
So, in the end, be sure that the people you may be calling friends are not needy in the respect that they need too much from you. Your friends should be their own person, and should compliment you, not complete you!
Blessings,
Tone For Real!
There are some people who are "needy". You know what I mean, not needy as in cash is low, or needing a babysitter. But needy, like "What are you doing now, and in the next 5 minutes, and the 5 minutes after that?" "What are you wearing?" "What's your favorite color?" "What would you do if you were me?" All of this and more makes one person too dependent on the other. He or she needs the other to make decisions, to basically tell them what to do. At first, you may feel like you're helping, like you're being there. But eventually, if it's unhealthy, you will get burned out, tired, and will start screening your calls, and not responding to texts, tweets, and facebook! The person will want to talk all day everyday, telling you ALL their problems, ALL their concerns, and then won't listen to sound advice to make things better. They also can't be relied on to hold your circumstances in confidence, nor can they help to bring you to positive results, because they are too focused on needing you to complete them, to think for them. They are almost like a leech, sucking and draining the energy out of you, and that is not healthy for you.
Mo and I have had moments where we may have been needy - but they were only moments of "temporary insanity". For example, last year, Mo was going through something, and it was days and days, and days. (Totally unlike us to let something take us under for too long...) So, after a while, I snapped her back and said, "look, we know better than this. This situation is up to God, so give it to HIM!" I encouraged her to begin reading positive things, the bible, and other books that filled our minds with positive things, and then I brought some books to her. I told her to speak life over the situation! Same for me, I was in a 4 year situation, and it consumed me. I was needy at points, because things would happen almost daily, and my venting started getting really tired. Mo had to show tough love to get me to snap out of it, telling me I was giving the other person power... and that "real bad boys move in silence", which meant to be quiet and let the other person destroy herself! It was hard, but it worked, life and death are in the power of the tongue! All I needed to do was be still, and quiet.
Needing someone is different than being needy. Over 26 years, we certainly have needed each other. During different stages of life, we relied on each other. There were also times when divine intervention made one of us do something like call the other, and we didn't realize the other one needed us. And many of those happened during some of our "separations"... But that's different. We know that NO MATTER WHAT, either of us can call the other at any given time, and we are there!
So, in the end, be sure that the people you may be calling friends are not needy in the respect that they need too much from you. Your friends should be their own person, and should compliment you, not complete you!
Blessings,
Tone For Real!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Joy and Laughter
Tone talked about our love of laughter; and there is nothing else that could possibly describe us more than laughter, especially when we are together. Sometimes I feel like we are a tag team of comedic expression because of the things that happen to us and in front of us. It's almost like God is saying, I know who would appreciate the humor in this situation; let me allow Tonish and Monique to see it, hear it or experience it.
You wouldn't believe the things that happen to us on a daily basis. We both are like, "really? This can't be real. I know I'm being punked" and instead of us getting all bent out of shape about the things we may not find funny initially, we kinda just let it roll off our shoulders and look for the latest reason to laugh. A lot of people would probably get angry and bitter, but we have learned to embrace the situation, laugh about it and move on. That's all you Can do sometimes. It makes life so much easier.
I can tell when we are in certain places, it drives people crazy because we laugh so much. But its just who we are from the core. We're not being obnoxious when we're laughing, but we seem to have found a commonality in joy. I can almost guarantee that every conversation we have there is going to be laughter. Even serious situations gets us laughing.
I've noticed that we both laugh when we're nervous, when we make mistakes (almost as if we're laughing at ourselves) and also when we don't know what else to do. Don't get me wrong, we're not going around all day guffawing at everything we see like two goof balls. I think what it is, is that we enjoy each other's presence, we enjoy all the moments life itself has to offer and we enjoy being happy.
Do we have moments of sadness, fear, anger or pain? Yes. Do we "live" in any of those moments? No. Why? Because living life is too much fun and we've decided to exhibit joy even in our worse moments.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
You wouldn't believe the things that happen to us on a daily basis. We both are like, "really? This can't be real. I know I'm being punked" and instead of us getting all bent out of shape about the things we may not find funny initially, we kinda just let it roll off our shoulders and look for the latest reason to laugh. A lot of people would probably get angry and bitter, but we have learned to embrace the situation, laugh about it and move on. That's all you Can do sometimes. It makes life so much easier.
I can tell when we are in certain places, it drives people crazy because we laugh so much. But its just who we are from the core. We're not being obnoxious when we're laughing, but we seem to have found a commonality in joy. I can almost guarantee that every conversation we have there is going to be laughter. Even serious situations gets us laughing.
I've noticed that we both laugh when we're nervous, when we make mistakes (almost as if we're laughing at ourselves) and also when we don't know what else to do. Don't get me wrong, we're not going around all day guffawing at everything we see like two goof balls. I think what it is, is that we enjoy each other's presence, we enjoy all the moments life itself has to offer and we enjoy being happy.
Do we have moments of sadness, fear, anger or pain? Yes. Do we "live" in any of those moments? No. Why? Because living life is too much fun and we've decided to exhibit joy even in our worse moments.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
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