OK, So last night Mo and I went to an old school concert. One song beautifully sang was, "If You Don't Know Me By Now". While sitting there enjoying the entertainment, I thought of the fact that while the song is speaking of a romantic relationship, the title reminded me of what our Pastor has been teaching us; "Know them that labor among you" (part of 1 Thes 5:13). To want to get to know someone is a CHOICE! If you know someone, you KNOW what's true about their character!
Sometimes I wonder if Mo wrote the BOOK about me! Many times, I am pretty naive in my own reality. For example, before we attended an anger management course, I (honestly and sincerely) admitted to not getting angry. Mo checked me with a smile, "Yes you do! You were just angry about something yesterday!" And then she proceeded to remind me of my "episode"... While striving for perfection, I sometimes "forget" my imperfections. I think that drives Mo (and my husband) BANANAS! (Batting my eyes...LOL!)
But here's the deal. Get to know those who are among you, who you choose to spend time with. Know their likes and dislikes in order to accept and respect them. Know their dreams and goals in order to support, encourage, and pray for them. Know their passions and causes true to their hearts in order to expand your knowledge and find ways to help. Know their family, spouses, and children in order to extend the relationship to others. On the flip side, your FRIEND should want to know these things about you. If you are having a one-sided experience, it's just not gonna work.
Mo and I respect one another, because we have CHOSEN to KNOW each other- the good, the bad, the funny, the sad, the unrealistic, the naive, and yes, the ANGRY... LOL! It takes time, it takes emotions, and it takes maturity. But the payoff, is a blessing!
Tone
For Real
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
One of my favorite ways to describe myself in the past was "spontaneous". This was a cutesy way of saying, "I have committment issues". When I made plans, I would either cancel or be late. Others may have canceled too, but this whole 'spontaneous" label kept me from being locked-in to being held accountable.
As a Friend, one thing that we must be is accountable. If we say that we are going to do something, we should be able to do it. Being a man or woman of your word is important in any relationship. It allows people to trust you and gives you the right to be deemed trustworthy. As a friend people are entrusting you with their feelings, their time and who they really are. If you are inconsistent, then it may come across that you cannot be trusted with sincerity; you may only be trusted with superficiality.
Just recently I was watching David G. Evans, a Preacher on The Word Network, and he was talking about relationships. He said that, "stability breeds security and instability breeds insecurity". As soon as I heard the words, it hit me. This has been the problem with so many of the relationships I've had in the past. Even with Tonish. For so long, she didn't know what to expect from me, so after a while she stopped expecting anything. I was consistently inconsistent. And in being inconsistent, I had developed a pattern of insecurity in our friendship. And in many other relationships.
In certain instances, it was a defense mechanism. It was a way to keep me from being hurt, but eventually it became a character trait. I am so glad that with age and time, I have been able to mature. I no longer feel the need to be defensive and "committment phobic" because I now know that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose". Tonish and my friendship has evolved over the years into something that is more consistent and less "spontaneous". And I am so glad that we have overcome that issue.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
As a Friend, one thing that we must be is accountable. If we say that we are going to do something, we should be able to do it. Being a man or woman of your word is important in any relationship. It allows people to trust you and gives you the right to be deemed trustworthy. As a friend people are entrusting you with their feelings, their time and who they really are. If you are inconsistent, then it may come across that you cannot be trusted with sincerity; you may only be trusted with superficiality.
Just recently I was watching David G. Evans, a Preacher on The Word Network, and he was talking about relationships. He said that, "stability breeds security and instability breeds insecurity". As soon as I heard the words, it hit me. This has been the problem with so many of the relationships I've had in the past. Even with Tonish. For so long, she didn't know what to expect from me, so after a while she stopped expecting anything. I was consistently inconsistent. And in being inconsistent, I had developed a pattern of insecurity in our friendship. And in many other relationships.
In certain instances, it was a defense mechanism. It was a way to keep me from being hurt, but eventually it became a character trait. I am so glad that with age and time, I have been able to mature. I no longer feel the need to be defensive and "committment phobic" because I now know that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose". Tonish and my friendship has evolved over the years into something that is more consistent and less "spontaneous". And I am so glad that we have overcome that issue.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Express Yourself - Let Me Be Me!!!
Life is so much easier when you have a friend who is on the same page with you. Why, because we know are safe to EXPRESS OURSELVES to each other!!!
You ever try to do something with someone, and it's like pulling teeth? You can't agree on what movie to go see, what place to meet for lunch, what cd to split your money for and buy? That will drive you BANANAS!!!!! Mo and I can say pratically anything! Funny, sad, angry, blah, whatever, and we know it's SAFE! While we have similar beliefs and values, we don't agree on a whole lot, but we kind of have a rhythm, and we can see what's important to the other.
But, we have been able to allow ourselves to be individuals, to evolve, to grow, and change! And we are both doing it! So we are living, laughing, and loving life, and it's so cool to be yourself with someone who understands where you were, where you are, and where you want to go!
The key is to ensure you have a safe place to Express Yourself. Anyone who knows us personally knows that we LOVE Salt N Pepa. They have a song "Express Yourself". The point of the song is that one person wants to be like someone else, but that person is trying to be like another person. It goes on and on... Mo and I NEVER had that issue. We were always free to be who we are! There was NEVER comparisons, envy, jealousy, EVER! Honestly, I know it's hard to believe, but it really is possible to have a friend who doesn't want anything from you! She knew she was safe with me, and I knew I was safe with her. I'm not saying things weren't difficult as we evolved individually, but even then, we were able to allow each other the time and space without taking things personally. Her time and space that was necessary for her had NOTHING to do with me. And vice versa...
We both are set on the next phase of our lives! We are intentional on being better women, better wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends and so on. Because of that, we are free to Express Ourselves, requiring the other to encourage, inspire, motivate, give tough love and a funny joke.
Tone
For Real
You ever try to do something with someone, and it's like pulling teeth? You can't agree on what movie to go see, what place to meet for lunch, what cd to split your money for and buy? That will drive you BANANAS!!!!! Mo and I can say pratically anything! Funny, sad, angry, blah, whatever, and we know it's SAFE! While we have similar beliefs and values, we don't agree on a whole lot, but we kind of have a rhythm, and we can see what's important to the other.
But, we have been able to allow ourselves to be individuals, to evolve, to grow, and change! And we are both doing it! So we are living, laughing, and loving life, and it's so cool to be yourself with someone who understands where you were, where you are, and where you want to go!
The key is to ensure you have a safe place to Express Yourself. Anyone who knows us personally knows that we LOVE Salt N Pepa. They have a song "Express Yourself". The point of the song is that one person wants to be like someone else, but that person is trying to be like another person. It goes on and on... Mo and I NEVER had that issue. We were always free to be who we are! There was NEVER comparisons, envy, jealousy, EVER! Honestly, I know it's hard to believe, but it really is possible to have a friend who doesn't want anything from you! She knew she was safe with me, and I knew I was safe with her. I'm not saying things weren't difficult as we evolved individually, but even then, we were able to allow each other the time and space without taking things personally. Her time and space that was necessary for her had NOTHING to do with me. And vice versa...
We both are set on the next phase of our lives! We are intentional on being better women, better wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends and so on. Because of that, we are free to Express Ourselves, requiring the other to encourage, inspire, motivate, give tough love and a funny joke.
At the end of the day, your friend has to let you be you!
Express Yourself
Tone
For Real
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Time waits for no man (or woman)
Like with any relationship, a friendship needs time to be nurtured. If you are a true friend you have to make time for one another to show that you care. It doesn't have to be everyday, every week or every month, but you have to make an effort to show that you are still thinking of your friend and you want he/she to be in your life.
I have always been a person who likes to do things in my own time, but I now realize that, that is selfish. Every relationship you have is a give and take. Its not always you taking when you want to. You have to give a little bit too. And part of the giving is including, your time. You have to think about your friend and remember how you became friends in the first place. More than likely, it was a great amount of time that you guys spent together to be able to find out about one another and were able to establish that bond. As time goes on, we get older and our commitments change. We may not be able to do the same things we did when we were younger, but you can learn to do new things together. And again, I'm talking about a friendship, but this goes for any relationship.
When the dynamics of your life change, you just figure out how you can modify your actions to include those that mean something to you. It is not necessary to cut people out simply because you don't have time. You can make adjustments. Include your friend's family in on your family events. Ask if she and her spouse (or he and his spouse) would like to go out with you and yours. It may develop a relationship between the spouses, between the people you love and also between you and their spouse. You never know. But when you choose to make time and be inclusive of others, you definitely will accomplish the goal of letting people know that you care and that you do want them in your life in some way.
So, the moral of this post is: to keep any relationship, you need to spend time with one another. And in doing so, you just might make new friends.
Be Blessed
I have always been a person who likes to do things in my own time, but I now realize that, that is selfish. Every relationship you have is a give and take. Its not always you taking when you want to. You have to give a little bit too. And part of the giving is including, your time. You have to think about your friend and remember how you became friends in the first place. More than likely, it was a great amount of time that you guys spent together to be able to find out about one another and were able to establish that bond. As time goes on, we get older and our commitments change. We may not be able to do the same things we did when we were younger, but you can learn to do new things together. And again, I'm talking about a friendship, but this goes for any relationship.
When the dynamics of your life change, you just figure out how you can modify your actions to include those that mean something to you. It is not necessary to cut people out simply because you don't have time. You can make adjustments. Include your friend's family in on your family events. Ask if she and her spouse (or he and his spouse) would like to go out with you and yours. It may develop a relationship between the spouses, between the people you love and also between you and their spouse. You never know. But when you choose to make time and be inclusive of others, you definitely will accomplish the goal of letting people know that you care and that you do want them in your life in some way.
So, the moral of this post is: to keep any relationship, you need to spend time with one another. And in doing so, you just might make new friends.
Be Blessed
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Law of Attraction
I was never a strong Science student, but one thing I found to be interesting was the Law of Attraction.
Think about it, when you're in school, your friends are most like you - same school, same study habits, same outlook on life. You rarely find someone who is a good student having a CLOSE friendship with someone who skips class all the time and fails most classes.
So, while keeping resolutions or just focusing on goals for the year, we would encourage you to, start with the MAN (or woman) IN THE MIRROR! What are you worth?
We are worthy of people who will be genuine, honest, and concerned about our well-being. People who share our belief and our faith. Be careful who you attract, you may not be able to get rid of them Who you attract into your life is in harmony with your real thoughts of your worth.
Tone
For Real
Think about it, when you're in school, your friends are most like you - same school, same study habits, same outlook on life. You rarely find someone who is a good student having a CLOSE friendship with someone who skips class all the time and fails most classes.
So, while keeping resolutions or just focusing on goals for the year, we would encourage you to, start with the MAN (or woman) IN THE MIRROR! What are you worth?
- What is your value? Are you always available for everyone to use, or are you available only to those who are concerned about you?
- Do you attract or draw just anybody, or those with whom you can share inspiration, positivity, motivation and encouragement.
- Can you compliment your "friends", and can they compliment you?
We are worthy of people who will be genuine, honest, and concerned about our well-being. People who share our belief and our faith. Be careful who you attract, you may not be able to get rid of them Who you attract into your life is in harmony with your real thoughts of your worth.
Tone
For Real
Thursday, December 29, 2011
RE: New Year
As the New Year rapidly approaches and the current year gracefully wanes, people will be looking forward to creating New Year's resolutions. But Tone and I would ask that you refrain from coming up with resolutions and to take time setting attainable goals and doing some other RE words; reflect, re-evaluate and restore. These 3 ultimately will lead to resolution, but it can also help resolve issues that you still may think are open issues, but really aren't.
1. Reflect
Think back to January 1, 2011. What have you done since then? Write it all down, so you can reflect effectively. Have you grown? Do you see improvement? Did you do what you said you would do? If you haven't, you still have the coming year to add it to your "to do" list. When you reflect, make sure that you are focusing on the positive. Don't focus so much on the negative. Do not discount the negative if it was part of your year, but learn from it. Don't dwell on it. Move on from there and know there is so much more ahead for you.
2. Re-evaluate
The negative things that may have happened had reasons. Think about the cause and reevaluate if you need to deal with those same issues this year. Do you want to bring in the new year the same way? Do you need the same people in your life? and if so, do you need them so close to you? Rethink the way you handled certain situations? Could you have handled them better? or Did you do the right thing? if you believe you have done things correctly then make no changes. Continue on the path that you have been on. It seems to be working for you.
3. Restore
Bring yourself back to the days of your youth. Learn to take care of yourself; mind, body and spirit. The bible tells us to "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (rom 12:2) it also asks us "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit...?" (1cor 6:19) and gives us the command to" be renewed in the spirit of your mind" (eph 4:23), so that lets us know that we need to take care of ourselves. Bring restoration to your life, so that you can accomplish the goals that you set for the new year. There is no use setting goals if you haven't taken care of yourself because you won't be able to enjoy your accomplishments.
So, you will resolve some things in the new year, thus resulting in a resolution. But let's set goals and leave the resolving for our achievements to take care of.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
1. Reflect
Think back to January 1, 2011. What have you done since then? Write it all down, so you can reflect effectively. Have you grown? Do you see improvement? Did you do what you said you would do? If you haven't, you still have the coming year to add it to your "to do" list. When you reflect, make sure that you are focusing on the positive. Don't focus so much on the negative. Do not discount the negative if it was part of your year, but learn from it. Don't dwell on it. Move on from there and know there is so much more ahead for you.
2. Re-evaluate
The negative things that may have happened had reasons. Think about the cause and reevaluate if you need to deal with those same issues this year. Do you want to bring in the new year the same way? Do you need the same people in your life? and if so, do you need them so close to you? Rethink the way you handled certain situations? Could you have handled them better? or Did you do the right thing? if you believe you have done things correctly then make no changes. Continue on the path that you have been on. It seems to be working for you.
3. Restore
Bring yourself back to the days of your youth. Learn to take care of yourself; mind, body and spirit. The bible tells us to "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (rom 12:2) it also asks us "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit...?" (1cor 6:19) and gives us the command to" be renewed in the spirit of your mind" (eph 4:23), so that lets us know that we need to take care of ourselves. Bring restoration to your life, so that you can accomplish the goals that you set for the new year. There is no use setting goals if you haven't taken care of yourself because you won't be able to enjoy your accomplishments.
So, you will resolve some things in the new year, thus resulting in a resolution. But let's set goals and leave the resolving for our achievements to take care of.
Be Blessed
Really Mo
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Give Love on Christmas Day!
Mo and I have spent um, several Christmas holidays together. When we met, in the 7th grade, we bonded right away. So, literally that following Christmas, I was at her grandmother's house. And I wasn't just there for food, I ended up going home with presents! This happened for a few years, until we thought we were grown:)
That was a difficult period of time in my house. We had been in the state for a year at that point, with no family. I know it was hard for my mother and sister as well because we had such a close extended family in Wisconsin. We celebrated all holidays together. We had potlucks and Round Robins once every month. So being here without family was tough.
Mo and I both come from very close knit families, and where someone is always welcome to join us. And our families both always try to help others in any way they could. Our parents taught us about being smart, and being kind! Mo's parents and brother ALWAYS considered me one of them. And still, today, it's the same. On the flipside, Mo knows that my mom is her "Mommy" too, and so on!
The cool thing is once we learned about the true reason for the season, it makes it easy to not focus on money or gifts. We are FRIENDS - that's a gift. So, we agree, don't get all pressured to buy people things that 1) you can't afford, and 2) are not from the heart. You know what I mean... You go buy a green sweater, cuz it was marked down, when you know that person can't stand the color! Or, you regift something that was given to you because you KNOW you will NEVER use that thing! (Now I don't mind regifting - but please make sure it makes sense!)
If you are buying a gift for a friend, this year, make it personal. Think about his/her interests. Recall things that person has mentioned to you in recent months. This year, do something that you know would make that person feel the LOVE. Love is actually in the details, so along with any gift giving, be sure to
Blessings!
Tone For Real
That was a difficult period of time in my house. We had been in the state for a year at that point, with no family. I know it was hard for my mother and sister as well because we had such a close extended family in Wisconsin. We celebrated all holidays together. We had potlucks and Round Robins once every month. So being here without family was tough.
Mo and I both come from very close knit families, and where someone is always welcome to join us. And our families both always try to help others in any way they could. Our parents taught us about being smart, and being kind! Mo's parents and brother ALWAYS considered me one of them. And still, today, it's the same. On the flipside, Mo knows that my mom is her "Mommy" too, and so on!
The cool thing is once we learned about the true reason for the season, it makes it easy to not focus on money or gifts. We are FRIENDS - that's a gift. So, we agree, don't get all pressured to buy people things that 1) you can't afford, and 2) are not from the heart. You know what I mean... You go buy a green sweater, cuz it was marked down, when you know that person can't stand the color! Or, you regift something that was given to you because you KNOW you will NEVER use that thing! (Now I don't mind regifting - but please make sure it makes sense!)
If you are buying a gift for a friend, this year, make it personal. Think about his/her interests. Recall things that person has mentioned to you in recent months. This year, do something that you know would make that person feel the LOVE. Love is actually in the details, so along with any gift giving, be sure to
Give Love On Christmas Day!
Blessings!
Tone For Real
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